Warm Ups

Note: my computer had something of a digital prolapse so I haven't been able to make any new posts for a couple of weeks. All fixed now and I've got a couple of posts saved up so I will be updating the blog more often than once every two months. Maybe even as often as once a week! Wowza!

So after a prolonged rugby (union) drought over the summer we had our parched lips wetted with warm up games, a sample of the deluge that's coming our way in the guise of the World Cup in a couple of weeks. Forms were mixed with some bright spots and a few dark patches for the northern hemisphere teams, and none of them are likely to have cancelled the cleaning lady's summer holiday so she can give the trophy cabinet a dust in anticipation of bringing the Webb Ellis Cup home, or in the case of Scotland, go to Ikea and buy a bookshelf or something to put it on.

They can always use it to store some books instead. Like this one for example.

I watched all the Wales game, but only caught bits and bobs of the other games, so be warned this review will be Wales heavy, for a change.

The Games

The first game saw a fairly dire first half for Wales, as good tactical kicking from England kept the men in red pinned in their own half. England's advantage was helped by Wales' weak scrum thanks to the absense of Gethin Jenkins, Mathew Rees and Adam Jones, as well as the perenial problem at the lineout, which hasn't been good since forever.

This awkward first half for Wales gave way to something of a revival in the second as they outscored their English rivals, with the touted fitness improvement, a product of a tough training camp in Poland, seeming to give them the edge as the game wore on. It wasn't enough to produce a victory, but a narrow loss at Twickenham was probably better than a lot of Welsh fans were expecting.

The second game, at the lazily titled Millenium Stadium, was more fruitful for the boys in black, as Wales played in their cynically pointless black away strip used in times when they play other sides who wear red. So that's just Canada and Tonga then, neither of whom Wales are scheduled to play over the next 12 months as far as I'm aware. Oh Welsh Rugby Union, you scallywags!

Again, the WRU's view of the 'average' Welsh rugby fan.

Thankfully their display showed a little more dignity than the WRU marketing department. The centre pairing of Jamie Roberts and Gavin Henson was looking particularly good with their mix of flair and power. But the rugby candle that burns twice as bright burns half as long and sure enough after about half an hour ol' glass bones Henson broke his wrist and his season was ended prematurely yet again. A real shame as he was looking sharp with all that rugby talent still evident.

"Mr Glass" from Unbreakable, based on Gavin Henson and his comic book shop.

Aside from that unfortunate injury the team performed well, with the scrum more stable and defence in all areas rock solid again. They soaked up the pressure in the first half and ran a few tries in in the second to record a convincing 10 point win.

On the back of a narrow loss and a solid victory against England, Wales went into their final game against Argentina with some confidence, looking to take their warm-up record to 2 out of 3 and obtain that much lauded 'momentum' going into the World Cup. Personally I thought they might be a tad complacent after the England victory, and would possibly come unstuck against a ruddy team who, lest we forget, came 3rd in the 2007 World Cup. Thankfully Wales displayed a new found discipline and focus, and after a fairly turgid, error-strewn first-half, they went on to record another encouraging victory.

The Verdict

From what I've seen of the home nations Wales look to be in the best shape going into the world cup. England appear to have regressed to their  pre-six nations stodginess albeit with a lot of potential, Scotland still can't score tries, and Ireland, a team in which Bruce Forsyth would actually bring down the average age, seem to lack a cutting edge.

Let's not kid ourselves though, Wales are far from faultless; the front-row minus the considerable talents of Gethin Jenkins and Mathew Rees is suspect, Phillips is still well short of his world class best of a few years ago, full-backs appear to be selected according to some sort of names-out-of-a-hat process, and accuracy is to the Welsh line-out what the British government is to a summer crisis; completely absent. 

Welsh line-out accuracy and UK government; missing. If found please return... 
actually, if you find the government, don't bother.

But there are reasons to be optimistic. The back row, flanked by Wales's two brightest young stars, Dan Lydiate and Sam Warbuton, is looking very strong, Roberts and Davies in the centre have formed a good partnership, and in Shane Williams and George North we have two contrasting wingers who score tries for fun. But the most promising development of all has been Wales' overall defensive capabilities; they conceded only 3 tries in three games, while scoring 7, a product of maximum commitment to tackles, an ability to absorb punishment and pressure, and supreme fitness enabling them to sustain this level of competitiveness for 80 minutes. Couple this with a back line which looks to have regained its familiarity with the try line and Welsh fans can feel a warm ray of hope coming from a new horizon.

But let's not get ahead of ourselves. Wales are in one of the toughest groups in the tournament, facing South Africa, a team they have beaten only once in over a century of competition, Fiji and Samoa, Pacific Island teams who seem to have a knack of unstitching whatever game plan Wales have, and Namibia... Namibia.... Exactly! They'll still do well to get out of the group, but this time, we can be a little more hopeful.

Mike Phillips v Ronald McDonald - The Truth*

* This is 100% NOT the truth.

Another week, another Welsh rapscallion getting into trouble, another load of rumour and hear-say on what actually happened. Here’s what might have (note to lawyers: but definitely did not) happened...

Dwayne Peel’s been struggling to get into the Welsh team, even though Phillips has been out of form for bloody ages. He starts thinking; playing better than the other guy isn’t going to get me in. I need to go… deeper. 

9 months ago he applies for a job in McDonalds under the pseudonym Payne Dweel (I never said he was intelligent). He started at the Bargoed branch, then with that same work ethic that took him to the top of the rugby world (in Wales at least) he managed to work his way up, eventually earning a transfer to the promised land: the Queens Street branch of McDonalds.

The many night shifts he worked were long and lonely, but he persisted, knowing his time would come.

This particular Thrusday night shift started much like any other; Amir was working with his usual robotic efficiency, John was struggling with the child safety cap on the floor cleaner and Nikki wouldn’t respond to his polite, nervous attempts to get to know her better. They had a few post-work, post-pub customers grabbing a bite before going home, and a couple of night-shift workers grabbing a bite on their way to work. A Thursday night shift as unremarkable as any other. Then fate walked through the door.

Mike Phillips approached the counter, bleary eyed, staring at the boards not noticing the well built man with a dodgy stick on moustache and ‘Payne Dweel’ name badge waiting to take his order.

MP: Uh, I’ll have… 2 quarter pounders… 6 nuggets, chips and…. A diet coke.

Dwayne, had been waiting for this moment. 9 months he had spent cleaning up soggy chips, 9 months being abused by valleys numpties and 9 months getting burned by that fucking deep fat fryer. And it was all in anticipation of this moment. He knew what he had to do. He knew what would come next.

PD: Sorry. We’re closing now.

MP: What? You’ve got loads of food left.

PD: We’re closing now. I can’t serve you.

MP: Oh, just give me my food butt.

PD: We’re closed.You'll have to leave.

MP: Look. I’m Welsh scrum-half, this is my town, so you'll give me what I want.

Payne leaned across the counter to make sure Phillips heard every word of what he was about to say:

PD: Not for much longer butt. Now fuck off.

What happened next was a blur, but it involved thrown chips, a smashed Ty Hafan donation box and a 4ft plastic Ronald McDonald being used as a weapon. At the end of it, Mike Phillips was taken away in the police van, while the man called Payne Dweel walked out and made a call.

PD: Mr Gatland. I’ve got some news for you…. It doesn’t matter who I am!... Mike Phillips has been arrested outside McDonalds… What for? For being a dickhead. I hear Dwayne Peel’s free to play though.

Fuck me I’m bored this afternoon.

The Dastardly Duo

A few months ago (okay, many months ago, I've been busy!) I wrote a piece on the wayward adventures of Mr. G. Henson. I speculated that his time at Saracens would not be an explosive return to rugby, but a damp squib. That was more or less the case. What I did not predict though was his transfer to the brash New Money Monty's of European rugby, Toulon in France.

His debut for the French Top 14 side was impressive by all accounts, and even saw him bag his first try. The WRU must have rubbed its hands with glee as the most talked about Welsh rugby player of recent times looked like he might orchestrate a Hollywood tale comeback just in time for the World Cup in September.

What they hadn't banked on (or maybe they had given his history) was that the Hollywood tale would take a turn from Rocky-esque revival, to Raging Bull self-destruction.

Details remain sketchy, with no formal statement about the incident coming from the club. However, according to what has been reported, it is alleged that while celebrating Toulon's 20-9 win over Toulouse in Hyeres, Henson made some disparaging remarks about Johnny Wilkinson and club captain Joe Van Niekerk, and fought with the scrum-half Henjak. He then danced his way out of the bar, into the cool Hyeres night and proceeded to go from door to door, waking the sleeping locals so he could personally insult their humble hair styles and belittle the state of their children's shoes.

Okay, I made that last bit up. But when there is a lack of facts, rumours will fill the void. 

So, back to reality. First off; the mindset where someone criticises their team mates at a NEW CLUB, just after they've WON baffles me. Maybe it's because I don't play professional sports, maybe it's because I'm not socially retarded, who knows. Secondly, what can Gavin 'I only play when I feel like it' Henson criticise Johnny 'more decorated than a Christmas tree' Wilkinson about? How the hell does that conversation go?

Gavin: So why do always breathe out the side of your mouth when you kick? You look like a knob.

Johnny: It's helps my technique

Gavin: What have you ever won with that?

Johnny: The English Premiership, 2 Powergen Cups, 3 Six Nations, 1 Grand Slam, 1 World Cup Runner-Up medal and 1 World Cup Winner's medal.

Gavin: ... Dick.

As things stand Toulon have ended his suspension and brought him back into the club. This makes me question the accuracy of what has been reported in the papers (quelle surprise!). Would they really bring back a player, who must now undoubtedly be unpopular within the team, so close to the end of the season? A player who, if we're honest, they don't really need? I'm not so sure. We might never know the facts, but I don't care. Frankly, I'm bored of hearing about Henson. Unless he scores a hat-trick in each of Toulon's remaining games, then I don't care what he's up to. I would say I won't write about him again, but let's be honest, he provides too much material.

As a footnote to this post on boozy shenanigans, the only man who can challenge Henson for the 'Loosest Cannon' award, Andy Powell, has been getting into mischief again. This one sadly didn't involve a golf buggy, and what actually happened is, again, a mystery. But what we do know is that it involved some sort of assault in a Walkabout. I understand the argument that professional sports stars should be able to lead a normal life, but I would have to advise DO NOT GO TO FUCKING WALKABOUT! You're rich(ish), go somewhere nice. And I don't mean All Bar One either!

Round 1

What a surprise, the events of the first weekend have made me look like an idiot. Luckily I don't have much in the way of conviction and have no problem reneging on every single thing I've said so far. I'd make a great politician, or deadbeat dad.

I never promised Disneyland! I said picnic!

The Friday night game turned out much the way I had feared. This was a huge game for both teams in terms of the confidence and momentum that would be garnered from a win, and a focused and confident England handily beat a rudderless and haphazard Wales.

England have passed the first test with room for improvement, but in a good position nonetheless. Wales, on the other hand, must now do their best to avoid embarrassment and must carry out some personnel changes; Peel in for Phillips, Yapp in for Mitchell, and Ryan Jones in for Powell. 

 Taxi Buggy for Powell!

Saturday first saw Ireland take on Italy in Rome. I didn't watch the whole game because, well, the rugby was pretty poor and I had better things to do. But from reading the reports, Italy appear to have kicked on while Ireland have, er, kicked back? It wasn't quite enough for them to earn their first win over the Irish, but they've shown; a trip to Rome will not be a lovely sightseeing trip and a 2 point formality for any of the teams this year. 

Following this was a much better game, and the pick of the weekend, France versus Scotland. Scotland, who I derided in my preview, have apparently learned where the try line is and its importance in the game of rugby football, managing to cross it not once, not twice, but thrice. Accompanying some barreling breaks from the forwards, most notable of which was professional giant Richie Grey doing his best to recreate scenes from Gulliver's Travels, the Scottish backs played with some real verve and pace. 

Just for clarity; Gulliver's travels is about a philandering ex-baseball 

player who owns a bar populated by an eclectic bunch of regulars in Boston

Unfortunately that was not enough against a French team who had decided they fancied playing rugby last night. For periods anyway. I got the impression they turned off at times, and had they wanted to, no disrespect to the Scots, France could have racked up another 20 points. After a frustrating Friday night and turgid Saturday afternoon, the Saturday evening game in Paris was a pleasure to watch.

On the evidence of this weekend France have cast their marker out farthest, if they can consistently play like that, then they will win the tournament. England are still a good tip for a top two finish, but if Scotland can build on Saturday's performance they might conspire to snatch second. If not they'll probably put up a good fight with Ireland for 3rd spot. Languishing down at the bottom, I'm afraid it'll be Wales and Italy scrapping it out.

Next weekend we've got England in Italy and Wales in Scotland on the Saturday, before France drop in on Ireland on the Sunday. Again, I expect everything I've said to be turned on it's head. Good! Maybe Wales will surprise me!

Six Nations 2011 - Preview

James Hook: "What is the greatest feeling in Rugby?"

Warren Gatland: "To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, 

and to hear the lamentations of their women!"

Having just about recovered from the period of accepted alcoholism and binge easting that is the entire month of December, it's now time to throw yourself into five booze sodden weekends of rugby with the six nations. 

The tournament is often hailed, even by those down under, as the best rugby tournament in the world, this is in spite of it rarely producing the best rugby in the world, an accolade normally reserved for the tri-Nations. I see the six nations as the raucous drunk C student to the tri-nations serious sensible A student; the southern hemisphere may get more praise for their flawless execution of rugby, but everyone knows the real party is to be had with the often scrappy and occasionally capricious northerners.

If the Six Nations was a man 

What do you expect when you put England, France, Ireland, Scotland and Wales, 5 nations that have at various points over the past several hundred years beat the shit out of each other, in a competition which involves tens of thousand of drunk fans watching 30 guys smash each other about a pitch? Of course it's going to be exciting!

Oh yeah, and Italy too... the Romans were pretty badass... about 2000 years ago.

Italians today

On top of the historical rivalry, it tends to be a rather unpredictable tournament. Over the last 10 years four different countries have shared the championship, with only one team (France) winning it back to back. A good opening game can give an unfavoured underdog the momentum to shock the table and go on to win it, much like Wales did in 2005. 

This year is no different. Most pundits are tipping England or France to take top spot, but no one seems to be unequivocal about this. There is always the caveat that should they have a good start Ireland, and possibly even Wales, could be in the mix. Who knows Scotland might surprise us all. Stranger things have happened.

This man became Governor of California, the 9th largest economy 
in the world. Still less surprising than Scotland winning the 6 Nations.

So doing my best to reign in my delusional Welsh rugby dreams here's my tips for the tournament. In final finishing order:

1. England

Look at his little face!

I sicked in my mouth a bit putting England first. Only joking! I full on projectile vomited over my computer. I remain unconvinced that one very good win over Australia and one good performance against New Zealand in the Autumn is evidence of some bountiful renaissance in English rugby. However, I do think they've got enough power up front and skill in the backs to win the tournament in a year when no one seems to be flying high. On top of that they have 3 home games on the trot, including Scotland and Italy, two opportunities to perhaps give their points difference a big boost. I don't think it'll be a Grand Slam for them though; their final game is against the Irish at Lansdowne Road, and even with the momentum of four wins propelling them, I think Ireland will slam the brakes on - Champions by virtue of points difference. And probably cheating at some point (I can't help myself!)

2. France

Carla Bruni, You know she's the Lady Macbeth type, but I'd still like 
to kick 3 points through her posts. Wait... What?

To say the French are unpredictable is the biggest cliche in international rugby. But it's true, they are. They've got plenty of talent blah blah blah, kerrrr-azy coach blah blah blah, Gallic indifference blah blah blah, Inspector Clouseau. Fuck 'em, they'll inevitably render any of my carefully thought out analysis null and void so I'll keep it simple; beat everyone but England, lose out on top spot through points difference, someone will be dismissed from the team before the end of the tournament.

3. Ireland 

I'm not saying the Irish are dull, but... they knock down 
a stadium, build a new one, and expand the capacity by... 
2,000 seats. What's the point?

It was tough to pick the winner of 3rd spot but I'm opting for Ireland. The core of their team is getting so old they can probably use free bus passes to get to the grounds and save money (have you seen the state of Ireland's economy?!). But there are some hardened winners and exciting young prospects in the side, Leinster are in storming form in the Heineken Cup and with the two toughest teams, England and France, at home, they should be able to take 3rd spot. 

4. Wales 

Welsh rugby fans; more guilty of nostalgic denial than Joan Rivers FACE!

Oh my darling. Why do you languish down here? Well it's because you lost your two most important players (Adam Jones and Gethin Jenkins) to injury, thus diminishing the power and penetration of a pack that was a match for the best in the world in the Autumn. Jones and Jenkins are probably the only two players in the Welsh squad that you could call 'world class' at the moment. They are excellent scrummagers who also put in a lot of work in the loose, and in both attack and defence their contribution is massive. Beyond that, the rest of the team looks pretty good on paper, although Phillips could do with getting his shit together and it would be good to have Halfpenny on the wing with Williams. But the backs will not win the tournament for Wales. The Grand Slam victories of 2005 and 2008 were not built on flashy play from the backs but from imperious endeavor from the forwards, battling at every breakdown to win quick ball releasing the backs to do their thing. They should improve as the tournament goes on and some players come back from injury, but I don't think this will be their year... unless we beat England then it's Grand Slam 2011 all the way!

5. Scotland

If the current style of Scottish rugby could be summed up in a colour... 

Every year people talk Scotland up, making reference to some victory in the past 12 months, talking about how they've 'turned a corner' and that they could be dark horse contenders this time. Then they finish in the bottom half of the table. They have a few good players, but their club game is still weak and they lack the invention to really cause good opposition to think. If they beat England, France or Ireland I suspect it'll be in a ground out 9-6 upset. Nothing wrong with grinding out a win, except it's often indicative of team's lack of creativity and ability to really take the opposition apart. "You can shove your creativity up Shane Williams dancing arse, I'll take a ground out win over England, rather than a high scoring loss any day" you say. Well fair enough, so would I, but it doesn't change the fact that Scotland's best chance  against the top 3 comes from stopping them playing completely rather than taking the game to the opposition and dictating things on their terms. Until that changes, Scotland won't be serious contenders.

6. Italy

They stop Wales coming bottom so often 
and Rome is a lovely place to visit.

Still the whipping boys.  They've got two tough home games against Ireland and France and I think Wales should do enough to get a victory in Rome. Bottom and the wooden spoon this year. God, I hope that doesn't come back to bite me in the arse.

So there it is, balls on the line, that's what I think might happen. I fully expect  to be proven wrong on every single thing I've written. I wouldn't mind that, it would certainly keep things interesting. 

For anyone questioning my Welshness after placing them fourth, you should bear in mind that at 7:44 on Friday evening, just after Wales have sung Hen Wlad Fy Nhadau in the Millenium Stadium, I'll be 100% convinced we're going to sweep aside all before us and effortlessly complete another Grand Slam.

Game on!

Autumn Internationals - Full-Time

The truly great and good, in affliction, 

bear a countenance more princely than they are wont; 

for it is the temper of the highest hearts, 

to strive most upwards when it is most burdened.

-Wales Full-Back, Lee Byrne, November 26th 2010

And so we draw to a close another Autumn series. Australia, South Africa and New Zealand return to their upside down homelands with a full compliment of victories against Wales, and Fiji return to their tropical paradise with an admirable draw.

So what happened in the last two games of the series?

The first, Fiji, was played on a Friday. I loathe Friday games, all international rugby should be played at 2:30pm, or if needs be, 5pm on a Saturday afternoon. But the powers that be have chosen to whore professional rugby to that infernal glowing attention sink, the television. And what do we the fans, her true love, get in return letting her be spread and used by the BBC and SKY Sports in any way they see fit? The august wisdom of Brian Moore, Eddie Butler, Stuart Barnes and Will Greenwood.

Thanks collective rugby unions of Great Britain.

Anyway, Fiji. Well I missed the first twenty minutes, as it seems showing Wales play Fiji is not the priority of most pubs in central London on a Friday night. Although the real tragedy was that I saw the next 60 minutes. I have to confess my recollection of the game is spotty at best, thanks to a combination of booze, watching bar maids dance on the tables to AC/DC, and spending more time telling my friends what Wales were doing wrong rather than actually watching the game.

What happened in the 67th minute of the game, from my vantage point anyway.

But, as best as I can remember (in efficient bullet-point format):

• I've seen school teams better organised than Wales.
• Aled Brew, Dan Biggar and Lee Byrne were terrible. Actually, everyone apart from Lydiate was terrible.
• Fiji were pretty fun to watch
• I had a pint spilled over my trousers.

The final result of 16-16 was very disappointing result for Wales. That sounds horribly condescending towards Fiji, who put in a fine performance, but from a Welsh point of view, after a bitter loss to South Africa, we were hoping to have something to celebrate.

It wasn't to be though. This left only one game through which Wales could raise our spirits. Against the All Blacks.

 

Bollocks.

Now New Zealand had experienced a bit of a mixed series by their standards; a not exactly comfortable win over England, then a demolition job of Scotland, then a slightly nervy (for about 50 minutes anyway) win over Ireland. But they still stood with a 3 for 3 win record against, apparently, some of the best that Europe has to offer.

As you can understand I was about as far from optimistic as a scorpion coming face to face with Bear Grylls in the middle of the desert, I was expecting New Zealand to eat us alive... then possibly piss on their shirts and wrap them around their heads to protect themselves from the harsh Cardiff sun... or something.

Bear, you fool! That's going to dry out in about 2 min, then you're just left with a smelly piss rag wrapped around your head!

As it turned out though, Wales did not get eaten alive and the Kiwi's didn't defile their shirts. New Zealand probably played some of their worst rugby of the series, and Wales, in patches, played some of their best. This actually made the game a proper contest for 50-odd minutes, but once again a few lapses in concentration, some dodgey tackling, bad kicking choices (Lee Byrne not finding touch with a penalty when NZ were down to 14 men springs to mind... and then stays there) and an apparent bankruptcy of imagination in the backs, presented New Zealand with ample opportunity to recover from their own occasional short-comings and go on to win the match by 12-points.

It wasn't the humiliation that I'd been expecting, and Wales even managed to record their highest points tally of the Autumn against thew world number ones, but it didn't provide a happy ending to a rough November.

So what did Wales get?

Well apart from beaten, hammered and at times embarrassed (also the components of a good night out in Cardiff) they were given a lesson. Not the modern kind of lesson, where your shortcomings are patiently and kindly laid out for you, so that you can then take steps to rectify them and improve yourself. No, Wales received a more old school lesson; a severe caning in front of a big crowd.

Well, not that big.

While a lesson, which is more or less a form of assault, might make you sit up take note and think about what you've done, it might not actually teach you what to do in the future. And that's my worry. For the 3 losses and 1 shakey draw, will they actually learn anything? Will the centres learn to start running straight and play an inside ball once in a blue moon? Will the forwards learn how a line-out works? Will Tom James learn to play rugby? Will we have any hope in the Six Nations without relying on magic?

The WRU is now hiring Gypsies. Must have experience in spells, curses and Microsoft Office.

The answer is... maybe (apart from the Tom James thing, the answer is a cast iron 'no' on that one). I say maybe because I think there were were some positive aspects. Youngsters like George North and Dan Lydiate accumulated some valuable caps, showing themselves to be supremely ready for the international stage in the process. The scrum, and the front row in particular, is quite formidable and certainly a match for any other in Europe. And, if we allow ourselves to extract positives from the failings of others, no other side really showed that they were the new undisputed king's of Europe. Ireland stuttered, Scotland and England had periods of glorious revival but also experienced some humbling losses, and France, well I didn't see France, but they're France and there's always a chance they just won't turn up to games!

Yes, I have completely retreated into the comfort of Northern hemisphere rugby, the backwards and slightly simple brother to the Southern hemisphere's rugby ubermensch. But that's because it's all European rugby now until the summer, allowing me once again to turn my attentions to the trials and tribulations of the Cardiff Blues. Thank god we've got a bunch of Kiwi's in the side to restore some pride to Welsh rugby! (Hat-tip to GP)

As Welsh as Dylan Thomas using a leek to have his way with a sheep

Autumn Internationals - Half-Time

NOTE: This was written before the game against Fiji on Friday.

So we’re half was through the autumn test series with Wales 2-0 down following losses to Australia and South Africa.

I've been fortunate enough to attend both games so far, although with the WRU’s new ticket pricing structure I had to sell my collection of Max Boyce albums and ma and pa’s caravan in Tenby to pay for one. My reward for this sacrifice was a half-decent seat in the top tier, a perfect vantage point from which to see the many sparsely populated sections of the stadium.

Chernobyl - Still more populated than the south stand for the Australia game

There’s been plenty of sage views on why the ticket uptake has been so poor. Whatever the details are, the general reason is money. Cold hard dirty cash. If tickets are £50+, by the time you’ve added on traveling, a bit of food, booze, it’s easily a £100+ day, and that’s assuming you’re not taking the family along! The monthly budget is being squeezed, and to some people, watching Adam Jones galloping along with his sweaty curly locks flowing majestically behind him, is not as important as eating.
 

This or food. That's your choice.

The decision to put ticket prices up at this time, for people to watch Wales play teams they are, if we’re honest, likely to lose to, displays an incredible lack of understanding on the part of the WRU of the fans they’re selling to.
 

Typical Welsh rugby fan according to the WRU

But that’s the small business side of things, what about the big business side, what about the rugby?

1st Test - Australia (16 - 25)

The first test was decided by Australia's backs, who were simply too good for Wales. There was some admirable defending from some of the Welsh backs, but when they had the ball they never seemed to really test the Aussies. The one truly bright point for Wales was the performance in the scrum, where they obliterated an admittedly weak Australian pack, but sadly they lacked the same sort of dominance in the line-out, Wales’ perennial Achilles heel. The score was not an embarrassment (as some recent ones have been), and with a few breaks it would have been closer, but to say that Wales deserved a win would be pure one-eyed fan delusion, Australia were the better team and deserved the victory.

2nd Test - South Africa (25 - 29)

Lordi dordi, where to start? Well the beginning is usually best. The atmosphere was an improvement on last week largely thanks to the roof being closed, and I couldn't hear myself singing during the anthems, which is a bonus. But following a rousing rendition of the anthems, Wales started the game by quickly conceding 3-points to the Boks. At this I sank down in my seat a little and thought to myself ‘here we go again, another romp home for South Africa’. But then, as if guided by the spirit of Gareth Edwards himself (he’s capable of astral projection), Wales took control of the game, repeatedly puncturing the flimsy SA defense and going on to cross the try line twice. Would you believe it, they finished the half 17-9 up! 
 

What a tremendously riveting first half. I am greatly anticipating the second half.

At half-time I dared to dream... 

I was in the unfinished stadium 11 years ago when Wales recorded their first and only victory against South Africa, was I about to witness another one of those oh so rare occurrences? In another 40 minutes would we be dancing and signing in the bars around Westgate Street and St. Mary’s Street, united by a triumphant joy borne from an inspired victory over those hard men, the current world champions, South Africa? Would we drink late into the night, recounting and reliving the tries that had been scored, talking of George North’s incredible debut and whatever drama and excitement would come in the second half, bringing ecstasy to our hearts starved of victory and volume to our voices withered by defeat?

Would we fuck.

South Africa came out with that hard nosed winning mentality back in place and smashed Wales off the park, achieving a quite remarkable come back. Those Welsh fans who are desperate, and or in denial, will point to questionable refereeing decisions, lacking a bit of luck or the need to just have a couple more kicks go over as reasons for the loss. But really, deep down, Wales lost it mentally.  It was as if being rather comfortably ahead and outplaying one of their bogey teams was too incredible to be true, the discipline started to slip, crazy passes started to be chucked about and little penalties began to crop up. 
 

"GWWWARRRGGH" - Translation; I'm rather keen to win this game

This is not to denigrate South Africa’s comeback, it was truly remarkable, but I can’t help but feel that the game was Wales to lose, and they threw it away. It’s as if they don’t believe they’re allowed to beat the Southern Hemisphere sides convincingly, if at all. In contrast England lack this psychological enfeeblement, they don't see themselves as a second rate side, which they have been for the last few years. As a result they stuffed Australia, weren’t too far behind against New Zealand, and if they finish the first half 17-9 up against South Africa next weekend, I’ll bet all the Brains beer in Wales they wont go on to lose the game.

Okay I take that back, I bet all the Worthington in Wales. We don’t want it anyway, it’s shit beer.

So where do we go from here? A shaky (but hopefully entertaining) win over Fiji, then a convincing win by New Zealand is most likely. Especially if the latter play like they did against Scotland. Mercy!