Autumn Internationals - Full-Time

The truly great and good, in affliction, 

bear a countenance more princely than they are wont; 

for it is the temper of the highest hearts, 

to strive most upwards when it is most burdened.

-Wales Full-Back, Lee Byrne, November 26th 2010

And so we draw to a close another Autumn series. Australia, South Africa and New Zealand return to their upside down homelands with a full compliment of victories against Wales, and Fiji return to their tropical paradise with an admirable draw.

So what happened in the last two games of the series?

The first, Fiji, was played on a Friday. I loathe Friday games, all international rugby should be played at 2:30pm, or if needs be, 5pm on a Saturday afternoon. But the powers that be have chosen to whore professional rugby to that infernal glowing attention sink, the television. And what do we the fans, her true love, get in return letting her be spread and used by the BBC and SKY Sports in any way they see fit? The august wisdom of Brian Moore, Eddie Butler, Stuart Barnes and Will Greenwood.

Thanks collective rugby unions of Great Britain.

Anyway, Fiji. Well I missed the first twenty minutes, as it seems showing Wales play Fiji is not the priority of most pubs in central London on a Friday night. Although the real tragedy was that I saw the next 60 minutes. I have to confess my recollection of the game is spotty at best, thanks to a combination of booze, watching bar maids dance on the tables to AC/DC, and spending more time telling my friends what Wales were doing wrong rather than actually watching the game.

What happened in the 67th minute of the game, from my vantage point anyway.

But, as best as I can remember (in efficient bullet-point format):

• I've seen school teams better organised than Wales.
• Aled Brew, Dan Biggar and Lee Byrne were terrible. Actually, everyone apart from Lydiate was terrible.
• Fiji were pretty fun to watch
• I had a pint spilled over my trousers.

The final result of 16-16 was very disappointing result for Wales. That sounds horribly condescending towards Fiji, who put in a fine performance, but from a Welsh point of view, after a bitter loss to South Africa, we were hoping to have something to celebrate.

It wasn't to be though. This left only one game through which Wales could raise our spirits. Against the All Blacks.

 

Bollocks.

Now New Zealand had experienced a bit of a mixed series by their standards; a not exactly comfortable win over England, then a demolition job of Scotland, then a slightly nervy (for about 50 minutes anyway) win over Ireland. But they still stood with a 3 for 3 win record against, apparently, some of the best that Europe has to offer.

As you can understand I was about as far from optimistic as a scorpion coming face to face with Bear Grylls in the middle of the desert, I was expecting New Zealand to eat us alive... then possibly piss on their shirts and wrap them around their heads to protect themselves from the harsh Cardiff sun... or something.

Bear, you fool! That's going to dry out in about 2 min, then you're just left with a smelly piss rag wrapped around your head!

As it turned out though, Wales did not get eaten alive and the Kiwi's didn't defile their shirts. New Zealand probably played some of their worst rugby of the series, and Wales, in patches, played some of their best. This actually made the game a proper contest for 50-odd minutes, but once again a few lapses in concentration, some dodgey tackling, bad kicking choices (Lee Byrne not finding touch with a penalty when NZ were down to 14 men springs to mind... and then stays there) and an apparent bankruptcy of imagination in the backs, presented New Zealand with ample opportunity to recover from their own occasional short-comings and go on to win the match by 12-points.

It wasn't the humiliation that I'd been expecting, and Wales even managed to record their highest points tally of the Autumn against thew world number ones, but it didn't provide a happy ending to a rough November.

So what did Wales get?

Well apart from beaten, hammered and at times embarrassed (also the components of a good night out in Cardiff) they were given a lesson. Not the modern kind of lesson, where your shortcomings are patiently and kindly laid out for you, so that you can then take steps to rectify them and improve yourself. No, Wales received a more old school lesson; a severe caning in front of a big crowd.

Well, not that big.

While a lesson, which is more or less a form of assault, might make you sit up take note and think about what you've done, it might not actually teach you what to do in the future. And that's my worry. For the 3 losses and 1 shakey draw, will they actually learn anything? Will the centres learn to start running straight and play an inside ball once in a blue moon? Will the forwards learn how a line-out works? Will Tom James learn to play rugby? Will we have any hope in the Six Nations without relying on magic?

The WRU is now hiring Gypsies. Must have experience in spells, curses and Microsoft Office.

The answer is... maybe (apart from the Tom James thing, the answer is a cast iron 'no' on that one). I say maybe because I think there were were some positive aspects. Youngsters like George North and Dan Lydiate accumulated some valuable caps, showing themselves to be supremely ready for the international stage in the process. The scrum, and the front row in particular, is quite formidable and certainly a match for any other in Europe. And, if we allow ourselves to extract positives from the failings of others, no other side really showed that they were the new undisputed king's of Europe. Ireland stuttered, Scotland and England had periods of glorious revival but also experienced some humbling losses, and France, well I didn't see France, but they're France and there's always a chance they just won't turn up to games!

Yes, I have completely retreated into the comfort of Northern hemisphere rugby, the backwards and slightly simple brother to the Southern hemisphere's rugby ubermensch. But that's because it's all European rugby now until the summer, allowing me once again to turn my attentions to the trials and tribulations of the Cardiff Blues. Thank god we've got a bunch of Kiwi's in the side to restore some pride to Welsh rugby! (Hat-tip to GP)

As Welsh as Dylan Thomas using a leek to have his way with a sheep